Oh, that I were as in the months of old ...
And Job again took up his discourse, and said: “Oh, that I were as in the months of old, as in the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone upon my head, and by his light I walked through darkness, as I was in my prime, when the friendship of God was upon my tent, when the Almighty was yet with me, when my children were all around me, when my steps were washed with butter, and the rock poured out for me streams of oil! (Job 29:1-6 ESV)
The path of grief is the path forward but so often the path takes a turn towards the past. Dealing with the past that we have lost is a normal and essential phase of grief. Listen to what Job says - listen with your heart as he speaks of days when he says "my children were all around me". As he sits in darkness all he can think of are the days when his life was filled with the light of God. He looks back and deeply longs for the beautiful family life that he once had.
I resonate with this sort of pain. I remember the feeling that I had sitting in that grief recovery group so many years ago. I looked back at the life I had with Ellen before she died and I cried. Sadness filled my heart when I looked back. Then the leader of our group told us that the goal of grieving was to look back and to not be sad but to be able celebrate our memories. As I actively grieved I got to that point. I can now look back and experience joy as I remember our life.
Help us dear Father to deal with our past. Bring us to a point where we can celebrate the good things in it.