An excerpt from my booklet on pain.

It was during a difficult episode of my life that the Lord brought this message home to me loud and clear. I had been employed by a firm for two years and had been promoted several times. I was experiencing good success and found myself managing a large software development organization. It was during this time that my director flew in to meet with me. I didn't think much of the meeting. I had no reason for concern … my group was performing well. The meeting progressed and I was told that I met my yearly numbers and that I was getting a nice raise and a bonus. As the meeting continued I was told that I was being replaced. The reasons given for my replacement were somewhat political in nature and I could not believe what was happening to me. Denial, the first stage of grief, was settling in.

As the days progressed I was consumed with thoughts of payback. I conjured up e-mail after e-mail of what I would say to the appropriate men that had maligned me. I wanted to tell others of how unfairly I was treated. I felt betrayed and wanted to vent my pain. It was during this time that the Lord began to speak to me about revenge. I remember setting up a meeting with my director's manager … knowing that the session would accomplish nothing I spoke with him anyway … in a sense I was trying to avenge myself. During this time the Holy Spirit began to make me aware of what I was beginning to do. One day, as I sat at my computer composing an e-mail message to an executive in my organization, I heard Him whisper to me "You can go there if you wish … but if you do I will not go with you." I'm not sure that I can adequately put into words the sense that came over me. I can only describe it as the fear of God. I immediately deleted the message.

As the days passed I became aware of my vengeful thoughts. I had never considered that "telling my story" or "clearing the air" could be construed as revenge. I am convinced that much gossip and "prayer requests" are cloaked forms of revenge. This is so sinister and goes so deep. I am reminded of the time in the gospels when James and John were offended at the people of a Samaritan village and asked Jesus if He would let them call down fire on the town. Jesus rebuked them and said "You do not know what spirit you are of; for the Son of Man did not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them." You know, many of us act in like manner when we are offended or treated unfairly. We need to learn the lesson of the cross.


  1. hmmm....

    I gotta admit, I've got a vengeful heart right now (if you've read my blog, you know why, which you have). So much so that I really don't want to let go of it. I want to get back at them.

    Ever had that? Ever wanted revenge in a way that you knew what was right and yet were unwilling to do the right thing--to let it go?

  2. I still feel the wounds from that job I lost ... it was the highest paying job that I ever had and I was out of work for 15 months afterwards. Probably different for me though mtr because God showed up in the midst of my turmoil and quieted me down before I did stuff that I really would have regretted.

    That said, I have to say that letting go is very difficult and often looks more like a process than an event. Try asking God to help you and leave the rest up to Him.

  3. By the way--the form in which I left that comment makes it sound manaical... Like crazy.

    It's not that kind of revenge I was talking about. It's the ability to say "SEE I TOLD YOU SO!"

    And saying "see I told you so" is.... Revenge.

    So, to clarify, I didn't mean to sound crazy with rage or anything... :-)

  4. Have you been reading my mind lately?

    I find myself quoting you often, KB.

  5. If I'm ever travelling through Kansas I promise I will be visiting KB. And not for revenge, but to meet a friend.

  6. I am struggling with this exact situation! I was fired 21 December 2008 after just starting a new position 6 weeks previously. I was fired after reading an email sent to me by my supervisor whereby she accused me of countless mistakes I had made the day before. I responded to her email and tried to apologize, making light of my mistakes. I called myself the "Village Idiot" and instead of approaching me, she asked her manager to call me up to her office two floors up, fire me, and then escort me back down to my desk to clear it, then escort me out of the building in front of everyone. I continue to feel like she gave me the penalty for "murder" when all I did was run a stop sign. I have not been able to find a position since this happened and I feel black balled. I am STILL struggling with the aftermath of this and have not been able to lock a job down. I have been offered many positions, but as soon as I sign the letter of acceptance and wait for a start date to be communicated back, somehow, I am mysteriously no longer needed. ~Reba~


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