Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.It reminds me of a time in my life when I was not getting along with my boss at work. It seemed that she did not like me and was always picking on me. One day I was praying about this situation and I became aware.. aware of how much bitterness I had amassed towards her. I was cut like a sharp sword by the news. I began to pray and started to renounce with tears the bitterness that had captured me. As I prayed I asked God to fill me up with love towards my boss. And something happened - my attitude began to change and my relationship with my boss improved.
I think that bitterness is such a deceitful emotion.. the way that it grabs hold of us is so subtle.. the feelings of self-righteousness that accompany it are so powerful. Often when we are hurt or in pain we long for justice.. we want restitution for the unfair ways that we have been treated. And when justice does not seem to come we create a perverted form of justice and welcome bitterness.. and soon bitterness grows from a root to a full grown tree. Once bitterness gets a hold of us we find that it enraptures our life with perversion - and no one can share in it's perverted joy.. even though we freely share it.
I know that I don't usually go to these places here but today I wanted to share this with you because I know the perverted joy of bitterness. I still find myself having to deal with bitter thoughts towards friends and bitter feelings towards God. I wish it were not so but I have found that hardship and difficulties can still set me on a dark path of bitterness. Happily my spiritual radar is a bit more sensitive to bitterness and I find that I deal with it a bit sooner.. but it still sometimes sneaks in under the radar.
If you find yourself caught up in bitter thoughts I suggest that you do what I did.. renounce the bitterness.. call it out and repent of it.. and ask God to fill you with love. Love may not come over night.. sometimes I have prayed many times.. sometimes bitterness is cut down a branch at a time.. sometimes bitterness is defeated one loving act at a time. The good news is that the bitter tree will fall.. evil will be overcome.. as we pray.