Mercury Rising

---

I always knew I was a star. And now, the rest of the world seems to agree with me. -Freddy Mercury

---

I remember selling our Beatles LPs in the late 70s at a garage sale we held to raise money for new missionaries to Kenya. Never really gave it a thought. We were part of a fundamentalist sect that were pretty anti-rock-music. I, more than most.

In those early days my listening habits was gospel. I loved the music made by the Gaithers. Instead of the Beatles, I listened to songs that sung of the Cross and the Resurrection. As life traveled on, I began consuming cassette tapes filled with worship music. 

I would listen to various praise and worship groups and would often find myself caught up in the music. Back then, I believed that I was touching God as I 'entered in' to his presence. Christian worship music was my drug of choice and I had no time for the secular stuff. I was an addict.

I remember the first time I saw Freddy Mercury in a YouTube video some 20+ years after his death. I cried uncontrollably. How in the world did I not even know his name? How was it possible that this famous singer never entered my cloistered village?

We sponsored a Youth for Christ (YFC) club in our home in the late 70s. Each week we hosted a bunch of teens from our local high school in our home. We became close to many of these teens. One of the messages of the YFC staff was the inherent evils of rock music.

The YFC folks believed that such music caused teens to stray from the pure path of Christ. I didn't accept the message at first but, with repetition, I think that it got into my head. Once it did, my obsessive personality took it to the next level - as it always did.

Back to Freddy. Watching this amazing singer kind of broke me. It opened me up to listen to Springsteen, Bon Jovi, and others that, in my willful ignorance, I had never heard sing. It also caused me to fall back in love with Chicago, 'Blood Sweat and Tears', 'The Four Tops', the Beatles and other oldies.

In some sense, it was like coming home. Finding myself. Returning to normalcy. And embracing a spirituality not based on rules and principles. In truth, it was humbling at first. Deconstruction is all about finding humility and so often it felt like humiliation.

I think that most of us want to be a part of a transformation that is tidy. Orderly. Definable. Something that we can understand with our head. In reality, transformation is as messy as it gets. We spin in circles. We are humbled and challenged at every turn. It is SO uncomfortable.

Yet I think that the road back to 'me' is worth the struggle. Finding yourself among all the mess is hard but necessary because it is a heart thing and not a head thing. It is about being transparent and vulnerable. Even so, change is hard. Letting go of control is not for the weak of heart.

I sometimes shudder at my tendency to want to be in control. Perhaps that is one of the reasons this journey of deconstruction has been so hard? The trek is about letting go rather than holding on. It is about being open to learning. Putting the past behind and imagining new things.

In the end, coming to grips with Freddy Mercury was a bit of a wake up call. It helped me to make peace with my past. Watching Freddy and Queen at Live Aid brought me back to being me a bit - I watched that video a lot! And as Mercury rose in my life, my transformation took on new life. 

---

... this devotion is part of a series on my spiritual deconstruction. Click here to read more.