If I have to boast, I will boast of what pertains to my weakness.I think that this kind weakness is something that often looks like desperation. It is the kind of thing that really brings you to the end of yourself and to the beginning of faith. I have to admit that I do not feel strong spiritually right now. I am forced to trust the Lord in a way that I have had to do on several other occasions. I am again reminded that I can only flow with the Spirit at a heart level ... I can only be at peace when I give up control of this situation ... I now feel that I am preaching to myself ... reminding Bob of past instructions from the Lord ... remembering that my job is to flow with this and not fight against it ... remembering how God once told me that I cannot manage my life like a project because that is His job.
Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 11:30, 12:7-10)
So here I am ... trying to flow with this weakness that envelops me ... remembering Paul's words about weakness and about true strength ... receiving that sufficient grace. I am encouraged when I think about another scripture:
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth Does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. (Isaiah 40:28-31)So, I will wait upon the Lord ... he bravely says ... maybe waiting is really waiting ... thinking that maybe new strength can only come when old strength is exhausted. So, for now, we will wait on the Lord, flowing with God in this weakness, waiting for our strength to be renewed. It is what He has promised.