A few weeks ago I wrote a post titled Courage of the Heart. This morning I read Altered, the blog of Jill Hollis, and was once again blown away by the courage, transparency and vulnerability of this giant of a Christian who is dying from ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). Here are a few clips from her blog that give us a peek into the heart of this courageous woman:I am scared. Of everything related to ALS. But also, and this is huge, really really huge for me to admit this...... That people will think less of me if I share negatively. I am sad. A lot. Will the tears ever stop? I am negative. Thoughts bombard my mind of my inability to handle this. I worry. At this particular moment, the list is long. I struggle with my humanness taking over.Sometimes someone comes along that helps us remember what it means to be courageous.. what it means to be a Christian going through a horrible trial. I am thankful that I found Jill's blog several months ago.. her life has been so inspirational.. she encourages me to count it all joy as I go through trials of my own.
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I'm not eating enough and getting the nutrition that I need, so at my next clinic visit at the end of this month I will listen with a different attitude as my doctor talks about a feeding tube. I can’t even write that without freaking.
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The difficulty with each of these is living with the knowledge that I am just one day closer to a horrible death with this disease that has no cure.
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God is so good to me and has blessed me with just the right people in my life at just the right time.
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I am thankful that I can unashamedly cry and that God always comforts me. I feel His love through people.
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I’ve also mentioned before that realizing and admitting weakness is our much easier than the actual transformation.
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One of the symptoms of ALS is muscle twitching. Constantly. It's hard to ignore and almost impossible to not dwell on the deterioration of another muscle. Especially as I watch it twitch and know what's coming. But I decided this morning that every time I felt a twitch, I would think of something to be thankful for.
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I think emotional darkness is different than spiritual darkness. I’m not sure if I really understood that until recently and maybe that was part of the reluctance. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that each day I am feeling more and more like myself. Who I thought I lost forever.
I recommend Jill's blog to you.. add it to your blog reader. Click here and leave Jill an encouraging comment.
