Developing My Inner Voice

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Your mind knows only some things. Your inner voice, your instinct, knows everything. If you listen to what you know instinctively, it will always lead you down the right path. -Henry Winkler

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In my life it has been hard for me to discern and develop my inner voice. My brain always seemed to override the inner voice. A bad habit that I developed because of fear. Consequentially, I tended to rely on my brain to keep me in control. Something that it would take years to unlearn.

Here are a few thoughts about my journey to hear and trust my inner voice.

• I think that I first needed to acknowledge the existence of my beautiful inner heart/self/voice. This seemed to be the starting point.  Believing that my heart was actually trustable and not desperately wicked changed everything.
  
  
• Trying to figure out why I have done, or am doing, a thing is hard but necessary. My big discovery was that I did a lot of things because I was a rules follower. I still love rules and principles but now understand a tad more about how impotent and limited they can be.
  
  
• Focusing on becoming more loving seemed to sometimes identify the battle between head and heart. I am always aware about how much fear is a part of my journey. Even today I struggle with the future because I am fearful of future health problems for Ann and me.
  
  
• Being open to change has really been hard for me. I retired at 49 from a job that I loved. A few years later I left a ministry position that I did not want to leave. Each time I tried to lean into the still small inner voice. And in each case I was glad that I did.
  
  
• In my early years I really judged myself harshly. I had grace for everybody but me. Being comfortable in my own skin and owning who I really am seems like a cliche but it took a long time for me to get there. I am glad that I found a beautiful way forward.

I think that the idea of being comfortable in my skin was an important discovery. For years I heard things that seemed odd to me even though I could explain it with my head. Many times things in the Bible simply did not make sense. I wrestled with so much of the bible.

I began to learn that it was certainty, not doubt, that was the enemy of faith. This prodded me along the road. I began to see my natural skepticism as a good thing instead of something to be defeated. And my questions led me to think outside of the box.

I remember a pastor once telling me that I needed to submit. Another accused me of having a negative spirit. I think that cultic intimidation in church settings is really prevalent. Seems like folks are only concerned with the truth when it aligns with preconceived theological ideas.

Developing my inner voice required me to embrace and believe that God was working through what some describe as the still small voice or just plain old intuition. It was difficult at first but peace resulted as I pressed forward. That peace grows even today.

My friend John used to advise folks to ask themselves: "What is the most loving thing to do?"  It is such a great challenge. It has the ability to refocus our minds, our hearts and most importantly our actions in the ways of love. And I think that it can help us develop our inner voice.

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... this devotion is part of a series on my spiritual deconstruction. Click here to read more.