I have uttered what I did not understand ...

Then Job answered the LORD and said: “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:1-6 ESV)

These words had to have been music to divine ears. Job has come to himself and the relationship that he once had with God is being set right. Are there more beautiful words in all of literature than these? Words of repentance are the most majestic ones in any language. Job's words embody the phrase "I am sorry" and speak to the deep way that his dialog with God has changed him. In the end only God can bring beauty out of the ash heap of our pain and our grief.

I find myself today in such a place. This month marks the fifth anniversary of Ann's horrible physical relapse that placed her in a motorized wheelchair. As I look back over the years I find that my theology of healing and of pain has substantially changed. I think that this change has caused my relationship to God to be healthier - I do not obsess as much about things that I have no control over. That said, I still long for God to appear to me the way that He did to Job.

Like Job, I often utter what I do not understand Lord. I repent. Open my eyes. Help me to see you.

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